Indiana: The LGBT Tipping Point?

Malcolm Gladwell defines the The Tipping Point "as that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behavior crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire".  It's hard not to ponder if the recent discriminatory legislation in Indiana just created the hallmark moment in time, that may give the LGBT community our own Tipping Point?

Over the past few days it's been incredible for our community to watch the swift, diverse and wide spread denouncing of this oppressive and divisive legislation. I think for most of us in the LGBT community the speed and strength of the overwhelming support has even taken us aback. On an individual basis, many in our community feel very supported, but always remain cautious how we are viewed in the larger purview. Over the past few days I think many of us continue to process and reflect on some of the allies who are screaming loud and proud in our defense. 

Many in our community realize the technology sector has been one of the leaders of progressive corporate policies, like partner benefits, and promoting LGBT individuals into senior positions. But we have never seen this group speak out so quickly and assertively in direct defense of our individual right's and freedom's. Leading the pack has been Marc Benioff, the chief executive of Salesforce.com. Mr Benioff was the first and most vocal opponent. His immense influence in Silicon Valley has created a firestorm for the far right wing legislators.  Watching Marc Benioff and Tim Cook of Apple, leverage their personal and corporate influence has been nothing short of breath taking for our community. It is exceedingly rare for CEO's of large multinational corporations to speak so candidly about political and social issues. Knowing this, makes their decision to jump into the political hotbed even more rare.

It's not just the technology sector that is supporting our rights and freedoms. Many companies are coming forward in defense of the equal treatment of all individuals. Subaru, Eli Lily, Starbucks, Yelp, are just a few companies who recognize that these discriminatory laws are not only bad for business but as Max Levchin co-founder of Paypal say's "is a basic human decency issue".  While may on the far right political spectrum would argue that the LGBT community poses a risk to the moral fiber of American values, it would appear that corporate America has a different perspective. That having a diverse and dynamic work force that includes LGBT individuals is not only the right thing to do but also adds value to their organizations.

I think the biggest surprise over the past few days, has been the tsunami of support we have seen from the professional sporting and athletic community. Organizations like the NCAA, NBA, and even The Indiana Pacers, all have come out in opposition, to the proposed religious freedom law. Even professional organizations who once appeared to be "breeding grounds" of homophobia and oppression are stepping forward. For many in our community, hearing that the NFL and NASCAR are supportive of the LGBT community is a little bit startling and may take a moment or two for some of us to fully process. 

Further providing strong voices in our defense has been Mayor Ed Lee of San Francisco, Seattle Mayor Ed Murray and Connecticut Governor Dan Malloy. All of these elected officials have placed travel bans for their employees for future travel to Indiana. This is much more than a symbolic gesture, it essentially places economic sanctions on the state of Indiana. It sends a crystal clear message, if you want to do business with us, then you need to do some housekeeping first.

I guess this comes back to my original hypothesis. Is Indiana possibly our Tipping Point?  I think many of us in the LGBT community are still more overwhelmed and confused than a chameleon in a bucket of Skittles.  The incredible speed and pace that our rights are being advanced and defended, is truly a little bit mind boggling. At this moment in time I can't help but think about pioneers of the LGBT community. Individuals who risked being ostracized, denounced and even risking their personal safety so that individuals like myself could live free and proud. I can only imagine how proud they would be, to see the ubiquitous response of this clear discrimination. 

I guess in the end history will tell us if Indiana is our Tipping Point, but I know I can say this with conviction, change is in the air.

Why Apple's CEO Tim Cook coming out of the closet IS a big deal!

This morning, like so many others, I rubbed my eyes, tried to force them into focus, while simultaneously reaching over for my I-phone. A rather typical and regular start to all my mornings. The first story I read on my facebook feed was Apple's CEO Tim Cook and his honest, eloquent letter on why he was choosing to come out of the closet as a gay man. As a gay person, I sat back and thought to myself, what a great way to start the day. I then quickly began to ponder what implications will this decree have on corporate America, the southern US (he's an Alabama guy) and culture at large.

Immediately I thought about Wall Street, which still remains as a largely homophobic, misogynistic network of white heterosexual males. I pondered what a huge impact this admission would potentially mean to the culture of corporations and individuals who run our free markets.

As I went back to my phone and began looking at some of the comments under the story line, that were, for the most part, supportive and thoughtful (which is no surprise as the majority of Americans support equality for LGBT individuals). I did stumble upon a few comments, from individuals both gay and straight, who were perplexed why Mr. Cook would even need to make this declaration. I read comments like "Who cares anymore, whats the big deal, so you're gay!", or "Its 2014, does anyone really care anymore?". I can appreciate that for some of these individuals who commented, their acceptance of LGBT individuals, likely came a long time ago and they have a network filled with progressive and forward thinking people. This perspective was not foreign to me and not the first time I have heard this type of sentiment. In fact a family member of my own (who I love), once said to me "enough already with the gay crap", after I had been posting regularly on our continued journey towards marriage equality in the USA.

As I made myself a cup of coffee, I began to process these type of comments. I realized I was not offended, rather I felt compelled to articulate, why in fact Mr. Cook's honest confession regarding his sexuality, was in fact, a big deal.

I started to think what else I had skimmed in my facebook feed this morning. As I read a myriad of stories, I realized that so many individuals are not privy to the real atrocities that continue to plague the LGBT community everyday. You see, to the majority of America, it seems like the battle for equality is on a smooth and rapid trajectory. To some, it appears with each legal barrier that is eliminated, that our ubiquitous acceptance is but a foregone conclusion. What I can tell you, is that the picture is not quite that "rosy".

In addition to reading Mr. Cook's letter this morning. I also read the following stories:

I read about a 28 year old Tennessee man, who violently attacked and verbally abused a man in the Dallas airport, because he thought that he may be gay. Even though his violent attack and homophobic rant was witnessed by numerous people and the video has gone viral, he will likely pay a $500 fine for his horrible actions. No hate crime will apply, and he will likely become a folk hero to many narrow minded, homophobic individuals.

I also read about an angelic, 8 year old little boy named Gabriel Fernandez who was murdered by his parents. Gabriel died on May 24, 2013 after sustaining injuries which left him with a cracked skull and broken ribs. In addition, BB-gun pellets were scattered throughout his body, including his groin and lungs. According to court records, the couple who felt the young boy was gay, beat him when he played with dolls and struck him with belts and baseball bats. He was also forced him to eat cat feces and his own vomit. At least once he was covered in pepper spray and locked inside a cabinet with a sock stuffed in his mouth to quiet his cries for help. This is only newsworthy today because his parents pleaded guilty to avoid the death penalty for their heinous crimes.

Finally, I read about 25 year old Tajshon (Ashley) Sherman, a transgendered woman from Indianapolis who was found shot in the head, outside a housing complex. Police in Indianapolis are not investigating this as a hate crime, even though Ashley's death becomes the 10th transgendered woman of color to be murdered in the United States this year alone.  

Unfortunately for me and many of my friends these are the stories that litter our facebook and twitter feeds. Young men and women, violently being kicked out of their homes, by non supportive parents. LGBT youth being 7.4 times more likely victims of physical, verbal or emotional abuse in comparison to their heterosexual counterparts. Countries like Uganda, Iraq, and Russia all passing horrible anti-LGBT laws that not only ostracize the LGBT community, but also create a network of predators who attack and pillage our community without repercussion.  

Those of us in the LGBT community are extremely aware of the risk that our innate sexuality carries. We recognize areas of our country and of the world that are inherently dangerous to us. Most of us do not take a "polly anna" perspective to our situation. We understand that acceptance, equality and integration will likely take decades. But I can tell you personally, what scares me more is apathy and lethargy amongst our community and our advocates. Work continues to need to be done. Advocates and activism are still required. This is not unlike the Woman's or African American movements. It requires tenacity, persistence and perseverance. 

So I sit here and re-read Mr. Cooks poignant words:

"The world has changed so much since I was a kid. America is moving toward marriage equality, and the public figures who have bravely come out have helped change perceptions and made our culture more tolerant. Still, there are laws on the books in a majority of states that allow employers to fire people based solely on their sexual orientation. There are many places where landlords can evict tenants for being gay, or where we can be barred from visiting sick partners and sharing in their legacies. Countless people, particularly kids, face fear and abuse every day because of their sexual orientation."

So after almost 12 hours of reflection today, I make a solemn promise to myself. Until the day when I can wake up, reach for my I-phone and read the morning headlines, without seeing heinous acts of violence and abuse towards the LGBT community, then and only then will I temper my voice. And when the CEO of one of the planet's largest and most culturally relevant companies comes out and declares his sexuality with honesty and pride. I sit back and realize, "this is a big deal".

Apologies from Canada!

An open letter to the people of The United States of America:

To the good people of the United States of America. I would like to take a moment of your time, to apologize for a recent tragedy, that we, as Canadians feel partly responsible for. It has come to our attention and surprise that senator Ted Cruz is half Canadian. We recognize that his  political terrorism and insane antics these past few weeks have in part, held your country hostage. 

We would hope that you recognize that his behavior is in no way reflective of Canadian values. If he were in our country, I am sure we would impose harsh sanctions. Restricting his access to Tim Hortons, no watching Hockey night in Canada and absolutely no Canadian bacon.(even though most Canadians don't know what that is)

Not to try to sell you on our country, but we do have other exports that we are far more proud of. For instance we were tickled that your space program let us attach our ground breaking, bionic arm to its wing. (Even though it was clearly no help to Sandra Bullock).  We fancy ourselves pioneers of Universal healthcare, and gay marriage. And you are welcome for our little yoga company Lululemon, for making everyone's ass at the gym a little bit better. 

Our exports have not been limited to innovation and as we have sent quite a bit of talent your way as well. You are welcome for the "Ryan's", both Gossling and Reynolds. We feel we have supplied suburban soccer moms and gay men with ample amount of eye candy. 

Please do not forget we were the nation that brought you poutine, trivial pursuit, insulin, the egg carton, maple syrup and the caulking gun!

We would like to think that if Senator Cruz came back to Canada, that we would admonish him with some terse words. But likely we would just welcome him with a health card, and a 6 pack of Molson Canadian. 

As much as we dislike his egomaniacal demagoguery and infantile tantrums, we cannot in good conscience ask that you send him back. He has drank the cool aid or should I say tea, and would be stifled by our compassion for humanity. 

So lets position this positively. Even though his numbers are lower than Chris Christie in a swimwear competition. We defer back to that old adage, possession is 9/10ths of the law. So please keep him. 

Sincerely Canada

P.S. You can keep Celine Dion too. 

Remind me again...the downside of being Gay?

I am the type of guy who spends far too much time inside my head each day. To be honest the thoughts are not that complex, and often have little more depth than a grilled cheese sandwich. In fact, recent topics tumbling in my head have ranged from Betty Rubble's inability to conceive (was she barren?) to the age old question; do the letters in the alphabet have genders? (I think S is totally bi-confused) That’s the hard kind of thinking that this cowboy deals with on a daily basis. I guess I am just a modern day Walter Mitty with far better fashion sense.

In saying all of that I have been thinking a lot lately about the actual downside of being gay. Now, I am not trying to be an caveman here. I know there are many gay people throughout the world who are marginalized, treated inhumanely and outright oppressed, but those are not the individuals this blog is about. This blog is about the lifestyle that my friends and I have, and with which I continue to struggle – what actually is the downside of being gay?  Here are my cliff notes:

We dress, well, really good!

We are a group of men who understand that our belt should match our great new pair of Italian loafers. We get that a dark pair of jeans should be a staple in every man’s (and for that matter every woman’s) wardrobe. Holes are for Swiss cheese and golfing greens not for your blue jeans. We get that your 1984 Members-only jacket, not only dates you, but makes you look like Karen Walker’s housekeeper/Sherpa, Rosario. We shudder when we see a straight boy in his "team" jersey.  And we will likely chafe if we are required to ever wear anything made from polyester blend. We understand that owning a classic pair of Rayban aviators and a monochromatic hoodie can get you from the gym to the mall seamlessly. We are also acutely aware that fashion and style change quicker than our girl Carly Rae can Call you Maybe!

We smell and look better.

Advantage gay guys on this one…bottom line on this we just care more. We are willing to line up at the baptismal font (aka the Nordstrom’s cologne counter) and experiment if the new Chanel sport with a hint of sandalwood marries with the PH balance of our body. Or does the Dolce and Gabanna with citrus undertones give us that fresh, yet masculine feel. We exfoliate, moisturize, tone, and know that the institutional body lotion they give you at the gym is not really meant for your face, let alone under your eyes (gasp!) We know the value of a razor, clipper and some basic grooming tools. Yes a select few of us have been known to over groom and begin to resemble topiary at a debutante’s garden party. But the fact remains is that we care and we keep things fresh in that department. We know that if it you have to pull out the machete to get at your private parts, then it’s time to grab the weed whacker and clean up around your equator. I can guarantee you that if you trim the bush and tree a little, he will want to spend more time in the "garden" if you get what I am saying. Plus, gentlemen, a trimmed-back tree always looks larger.

We have fabulous lives.

You’ve seen our Facebook pages, the pictures of the Atlantis cruises, the amazing dinner parties, the winter pilgrimage to Puerto Vallarta, summers in Provincetown. Our fiscal responsibility and ingenuity rivals only our ability to spot out those who have had "work done". Sure most of us don’t have kids and the only real financial burden that we have, is deciding if we should go with the Sub Zero appliances and vessel sink or in fact take another vacation. The truth is, we can be sipping on frozen Bellini’s and munching on dynamite rolls and 10 minutes later a winter sojourn in Palm Springs is planned, booked and we know the 3 best restaurants in the area. We make the Real Housewives of Anywhere look like like punk ass, junior party planners on this one. If you want the best party, you know the gays are going to deliver. Plus we are not going to scratch your eyes out like the Real Housewives Bitches, we are far better than that. We will just talk behind your back!

　

Your kids like us better.

We wear the same brands they do and we know their music, because 3 months ago we heard it in our clubs. We think their new tattoo is fierce and could care less that they put a ring in their nose. As it is much better than the nasty fat guy at the gym who is sporting a Prince Albert! We buy them cool gifts, we know their favourite colour and food. We sometimes just buy them something for no reason because we know they will go home and compare us to their parents. Like them we are devoted to the tank tops at Forever 21 and God forbid we cannot force ourselves to walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch location, regardless how inappropriate it looks on us! Just like us, their best friend is gay and fabulous, tells them what to wear, how to groom and also how to get laid...is there a straight Grindr app? hmmm Who cares!

We go to cool things!

The Eames mid-century installation at the Getty in Los Angeles, checking out Mario Battalli’s new restaurant in Chicago or that great new furniture shop you have never heard of. We know these things because that’s what we do. It is deeply engrained in our DNA to know what is cool, to seek it out and tell everyone about it. It would be sacrilege to have a gallery opening, opening night at a new musical or dinner party without a gay on the invite list. We bring manners, interesting conversation and by far the best hostess gifts. Imagine how boring a Madonna concert or Kathy Griffin show would be if the gays didn't show up. Half of the fun is to watch the fags sitting next to you cry as Madge comes on stage and belts out a remixed version of Holiday!

　

We Can Multi-Task

Set up a new recycling area; check. Organize dinner party for 12; check. Choose new blinds and flooring for the renovation; check. Bake 4 dozen of The Barefoot Contessa's short bread cookies for the Gay men's Chorus bake sale; check. We are Cyborgs when it comes to being organized. We can organize, clean, and remodel, faster than the Kardashian girls can go down on another pro athlete. Maybe its our love of architecture and style, but we love to look in our closet and see a neat, tidy and colour coordinated mirage, with a hint of Febreze lingering in the air. Nothing sends our nerve endings into a tizzy more than a clean, detailed car going into an well organized garage. As I think about this for a minute; it could be our 4 daily pilgrimages to Starbucks providing a caffeine fueled mania that allows us to accomplish all these heady goals each day. Here is my theory of why we gays crush when it comes to being the ultimate multi tasker. We are observers/sponges. You see we loved nothing more than watching our mother's cook meals for 6, clean the house, tend to the garden and create an art project to keep us kids busy. We also watched as our father's cleaned the garage, paid the bills, put up the Christmas lights and took us to figure skating practice (just kidding it was hockey, but I did sport Dorothy Hamil's trademark do). I hesitate to say we took the best from each gender but lets just say the proof is in the hazelnut, frangelico pudding!

　

We are all amateur architects.

Go to your gay buddy’s house and look around. It likely resembles the show room at The Pottery Barn. There is a reason that all the shows on HGTV have us homo's mincing around the set. Although not universal, most of us have the gay gene that allows us to create a space that make straight women swoon and want us as best friends. We know that mushroom is a different colour than taupe. We know that proper lighting and a Michael Buble CD will get you laid. We know that there are officially over 110 shades of white and yes it matters. We get that heated travertine on your feet feels better than cold linoleum as you step out of the shower. We understand that walking into a space that reminds you of that Spa in Bali is likely going to put your mind and body at ease. Our fascination with boutique hotels, only further fuels our love of all things shiny and new. Give the gays a few hours and they can whip a house into shape quicker than those homo-erotic boys on True Blood suck the life out of another unsuspecting victim.

　
All of this leads me back to the original question of what the actual downside of being gay is? You see I am acutely aware that the life we live is a blessing and that there was a huge human toll on the liberties that we are afforded today. There are many gay and straight people out there who have been vocal in the defense of equality and of justice. The amazing life we live today should pay homage to every gay man or woman who was beaten, to every straight person who defended equality, and to every human who had the courage and conviction to speak their truth.

There has never been a time in history when gays have been afforded more rights, have more influence and ultimately can live a full and authentic life. Even President O’Bama is covering our Marc Jacob’s clad ass. A shout out to Malia and Sasha for schooling the Pres and Michelle on this one!

In saying all of that, my answer is, that I have yet to find the downside of being gay; but I will keep travelling the world, designing, cooking, smelling good and generally living a fabulous life until I find the elusive answer.

What is Schmoody?

I am always astonished how much I learn from younger people. My nieces and nephews are always teaching me things about life, about acceptance and ultimately how to be a better person. We as adults have been conditioned to think that wisdom is somehow connected to chronological age. Although I will not completely throw that idea out; I also know many youthful people who are chalk full of wisdom. I personally know many 50 years olds who's lives are full or chaos and drama, while knowing teens who have a deep sense of inner peace. Ultimately,what I have learned is that I try to view everyone as an educator of my life.

The name of my new blog is based on a lesson I learned from my young cousin Jack Shepard. Years ago there was a group of us sitting on the deck, having a cold drink when Jack strolled on by.  His mother Lisa asked Jack if he would please go wash his hands. Jack responded to her "that's schmoody". After letting mother/son relations relax a little, I asked Lisa what "schmoody" means?After a small chuckle, she told me that Jack made the word up and it can carry any meaning you want it to. If you are angry for example, you can say "I am so schmoody at you". Or if you are excited you can say something like "OMG this is going to be totally schmoody". I thought to myself how brilliant is this, a word that can carry any connotation you like. Almost like verbal mood ring for those of you who can remember back to the 70's!

I have always wanted to create a blog that would represent my point of view, my professional path, my interests and my perspective on the world. I thought back to that moment in time when Jack so eloquently blurted out his ubiquitous meaning of what schmoody is and I knew that it would be what my blog represented. So today I forge forward with a new avenue of how I communicate my thoughts, ideas and perspectives to the world.  I hope when you read my entries that it brings you some knowledge, insight or just some laughs. My plan is to talk about things like holistic wellness, interpersonal relationships, equality, family, and who knows, maybe even Kraft dinner. I do know that I will communicate each blog entry with passion and authenticity, as I am trying to live a life well lived.

So, thanks Jack for teaching an old dog a new trick...your Schmoodiness has inspired this project!!

To the rest of you, I hope you have a schmoody day!

Jim


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